Communicate with your Child

Communicate with your Child

“Ok, get up, get dressed, grab some breakfast, brush your hair, the bus is coming, have a nice day, love you, bye.” The note read, “Hi honey how was your day? I have to work until 4:30 today, I’ll be home soon. Grab a snack and get started on your homework. I’ll take you to basketball practice when I get there. Remember, no TV until your homework is done.”

“Hi squirt, I’m home. Grab your gym bag, we’re running late. Ok, I’m just going to drop you off here. Your father will pick you up when you’re done, then it’s a quick bite to eat, a shower and straight to bed. You have another busy day tomorrow.”

Life is so busy today. There are far fewer stay at home parents, which translates into more parents working outside the home, many working more than one job. More kids are getting themselves off to school on their own or coming home after school to notes left on the table or to a voice mail message to greet them.

If you can’t change the situation, you can change the circumstances. Children, especially pre-teens and teens are slipping between the cracks. They need someone to talk to; preferably their parent. “I try to talk to her, our schedule is just so hectic” you cry. Something needs to give, or your fragile child will break. “We’re doing fine” you proclaim. Are you? Is “no news is good news” always the case when it comes to thirteen year olds?

Get them talking! One statistic revealed that talking 15 minutes a day with your children about their lives will greatly decrease the likelihood of your kids trying drugs. If even a fraction of that statistic is accurate, isn’t it worth a shot?

Turn off the TV and the radio. Instead of your children eating their cereal to the latest CD, or while watching Nickelodeon in the morning, get in some coffee talk with your child. If you’re running around getting ready for work yourself, then you get up 20 minutes earlier and be ready to open up the dialog over toast.

If you drop Junior off on your way to work, take those 5 minutes to drive with the radio OFF. Ask questions. Like any good interviewer, ask leading questions. Don’t give him a chance to grunt a simple “ya or no”.

Start them early. If you have younger children, from the day they start preschool or kindergarten, insist on a ritual of “Tell me at least 5 things about your day today; recess and lunch doesn’t count” It will become habit that they are expected to communicate. But you need to do your part in asking those questions. Do not ignore the elephant in the room and say nothing. Growing up is hard on children. They need you. They just may not be able to verbalize it.

Here’s another great idea you can start early, or start it now, it’s never too late. If you truly are unable to squeeze in more teen-chat with your child, if you’ve looked at eliminating some activities and you simply can’t right now, then it’s time for written communication. Get a spiral notebook that will serve as your Parent/Child Journal. Parent has to write what happened in his/her day, activities, work, thoughts, concerns, etc. Give it to child before bedtime. Child then takes it, reads it, then adds his/her own journal entry about how her day went. Parent has it back before he leaves or starts his day. Repeat daily.

For many, it’s a lot easier to write down thoughts and feelings than to have one on one verbal communication. You must, not should, but must keep or initiate those lines of communication with your children. It’s not optional. That is a basic need of all humans; they want to be heard, and they want to know that someone cares about them.

Don’t beat yourself up if the lines of communicate between you and your child haven’t been the best up to this point. Start today fresh and get talking!

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